i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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