i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
