WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
