ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
