Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
