He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
