just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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