I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
