Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize