Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
