you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
