I think I died a long time ago.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
