ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I believe in your delicious
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
