I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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