She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
