just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Found your dick twin last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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