There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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