I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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