dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
