I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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