M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
