new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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