so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
