So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We left the knife in your bed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
