thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
