Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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