3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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