I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
