I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
