Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
