I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
