I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
