Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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