I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
