I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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