I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
