I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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