apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
