What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize