I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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