I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
