Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
