I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
