I just threw up on my dentist
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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