It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
