Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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