Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
