After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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