I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
