wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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