I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
