Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
tonight lets celebrate not being married
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
