I can text with my tongue
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
