Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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