He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
