Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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