im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
