His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
