I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
