Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
