Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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