If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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