you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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