I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
