I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
