New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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