I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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