guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
