You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
