Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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