Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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