What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
