It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Boobs are out for the taking
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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