is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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