You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
