i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
