She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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