Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
